In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis.
Quentin Crisp, The Naked Civil Servant, 1978

I’m intrigued by this quote.  I know nothing about the source of it,  and very little about the author, though perhaps I should. I know from a quick glance at wikipedia that he was a gay icon, which likely explains why I like the quote.

It’s easy to lose sight of how society changes.  We go from day to day doing our routines, trying to get ahead in the world. We lost sight of progress sometimes and it seems nothing is being accomplished.  I see this in my clients a lot.  When they’re not doing well, they get tunnel vision and don’t realize how far they’ve come.  Things that are obvious to me, from an outside perspective, are hidden from them. I’ve noticed this in my own life as well. There have been times that I’ve had the pleasure (and, at times, embarrassment) of looking back at things I wrote in college, and realized how drastically my perspective, beliefs, and values have changed since then. Somehow, I forgot who I used to be, which was deeply religious, bigoted, and closed minded.

Have you noticed how what he says in the quote is true? There was a time when those who believed in gay rights, or even who weren’t repulsed by gays were considered extremely liberal and were likely outcasts. More and more these days (at least in my neck of the woods, Portland, OR), people are becoming more accepting, and sometimes people are actually considered outcasts for NOT being gay friendly. Or maybe an example more relevant to a greater part of the country is that of racism.  Yes, there are still places where the majority of the population is racist, but as a general rule, it has become politically incorrect to express racist views when at one time, it was the norm and no one thought much about it. The enlightened ones who weren’t racist in racist times have found themselves in the majority without moving a step.

I guess my point is that progress is being made, whether we recognize it or not. Views are changing and people are becoming more tolerant of the gay community. A Gallup poll in 2011 showed that 53% of Americans approve of gay marriage. In 2009, a Gallup pol found that only 40% approved. Those in the minority that were standing still are now finding themselves becoming the majority.

Think you’re an outcast? Just wait a while.  The times, they are a changin’!

Accusations that he threatened an ex-boyfriend, a Mexican national, with deportation if he didn’t sign an agreement which required he not reveal that he and Babeu had been in a relationship, have been denied by the Arizona Sheriff.

Babeu was the Sheriff seen walking with John McCain in the now infamous “just build the dang fence!” ad.  It was noted at the time that Babeu was the Sheriff of Pinal County, Arizona, which does not border Mexico at any point, and is north of Tucson.  He and McCain were in another county filming, using the border fence as a backdrop for the campaign ad.

Babeu held a news conference Saturday, February 18, to address the story and accusations reported in the Phoenix New Times.  That story here. In the news conference, he acknowledges being gay, and denies threatening the former boyfriend.   See the New Times articles for more details about the Sheriff, the ex, the lawyers, and the attempts to salvage the political prospects of a up-to-now rising star in Arizona Republican circles.

My interest in this story is not the Sheriff’s political future, or his right-wing, conservative views.  I’m much more interested in why he hasn’t deleted his Adam4Adam profile!

That’s right!  You’d think he’d have done that right off, and denied ever having one.  After all, it’s really not all that difficult to make one up, post it, and make it seem like it belongs to someone else.  If you wanted to deny it, you could claim someone faked the profile, and was simply trying to smear you.  Babeu appears to be standing tall, now, though, and is basically telling people his private life is none of their business!

As of this writing, this profile was still active on Adam4Adam.com.  The picture is private, so it does not show on the live site, but the profile is still up.  I’m trying to decide if this guy is just not real bright, or if he’s one tough hombre that is quite willing to kick some ass if required.

There are a couple of things I can say about Sheriff Babeu:

He’s hot.

I like his taste in men.

He may have misjudged the likelihood that he’d be outed in his quest for higher office.  Coming from a law enforcement background, he might have come to expect that intimidation and a certain arrogance would suffice to get him what he wanted.  It will be interesting to see if the people of Arizona will find him an anathema and turn him out of politics, or if they find him strong and worthy of respect regardless of his sexual orientation.

Gay politicians have been able to gain public office, but very few have succeeded as an openly gay Republican.  There are plenty of closeted gay GOP members across the country, but very few survive being outed by others or the media, and fewer continue to rise in the ranks.  Will Babeu become Congressman Babeu, or will he end up as dog catcher somewhere?  This will be an interesting thing to watch.

Here’s some more of him, from the NewTimes.

Paul Babeu and Jose, the ex

Yeah, not bad.

Except for all that Republican-wingnut-conservative-arrogant-asshole stuff, of course.

]]> http://queerlandia.com/2012/02/19/azs-build-that-dang-fence-sheriff-outed-accused/feed/ 1 Jim Reeves babea_official babeu_a4a babeu_jose babeu_undies http://queerlandia.com/2012/02/18/reintroduction/ http://queerlandia.com/2012/02/18/reintroduction/#comments Sun, 19 Feb 2012 04:35:08 +0000 melissasarno http://queerlandia.com/?p=9269 ]]> Okay, this isn’t my first blog; however, I haven’t always been the most consistent blogger Mike has had on board.  After spending a week or so, trying to figure out of where to start, developing a couple of blogs (I’m quite the scatter brain), I realized that maybe I should introduce myself; or rather, reintroduce myself, for those of you that don’t know me.  I recently graduated from Fresno State with my B.A. in Sociology, worked my ass off while going to school, partied a little too much during some of those years, still work too hard for a Chapter 7 Bankruptcy Trustee and doing bookkeeping on the side, and I’m currently saving up for grad school to get the hell out of Fresno.  So, that is the very short, compartmentalized version of me and what I do.  Since I have my degree in Sociology, expect a lot of my blogs to be mostly social commentary, sprinkled with some sarcasm.

A little more about me: with regards to living my life, I’m a black or white, all or nothing, right or wrong – or whatever other cliché you feel like using there.  This is just how I live my life, I am not only able to discuss grey areas in theory, I am able to appreciate them, and envy those that can live them; I wish I could be another way.  I either trust someone entirely, or not at all – same goes with being emotionally invested.  This brings me to my point (and you didn’t think there was one, did you?).  After receiving a text message from an old flame, I recently started (and have since ended) re-kind-of-but-not-really-dating-but-more-than-just-fucking him.  Right where we left things, an ambiguous mess of friendship and lust; and yes, my brain wanted to explode.  Not wanting to be the psycho non-girlfriend, I didn’t say anything… not wanting to be a psychotic human being, I kept trying to not think about the situation.  I didn’t want a title, just something a little more concrete than the aforementioned hyphenated poppycock.  Being the absolute control freak I am, if one part of my life is in some sort of grey area, or seemingly out of my control, I “take control” of other parts of my life.  This time, it was organizing my desk – down to re-arranging my paperclips, pens, and highlighters.  So, I still ended up acting like a psychotic human being, just no one else could tell.

Now seems like a good time to quickly mention why things started and ended the first time around.  I met him through my ex’s group of friends (after the ex and I broke up, I kept the friends, he moved to Colorado).  He and I started out and drinking buddies, like everyone else in the group.  One night, one thing led to another… and well, you know how it goes.  We kept things casual then, but because I was drinking as if I were the bastard child of Tara Reid and Andy Dick, on an episode of “Jersey Shore”, the grey area thing wasn’t an issue, at that time.  Then, I turned twenty-four, grew up a little, stopped drinking like all of life’s answers were at the bottom of a vodka bottle, and quit hanging out with that particular group of people.  (I still go out and drink with friends, just not professionally.)  He and I kind of kept things going for a little while after that, but we stopped texting and calling each other and it just ended.

I decided to talk to my therapist, hoping for some constructive advice.  I thought she could help me with the “taking it slow” thing, and I’ve been going to her for ten years so, she knows me and my… issues.  So, I asked her about the part of taking things slow that has always eluded me, “How does taking it slow really work?  I mean, really?  Either your feelings evolve, or they don’t?  How do you make them develop more slowly?”  Okay, so pretty much the whole thing eludes me.  Her response and advice to me was to, “go with it.”  She tried telling me that the only reason I’m uncomfortable with the situation is because it’s something I’m not used to; and I did try to “go with it,” for a little while.  I ultimately ended things, not due to my inability to deal with grey areas, but his inability to return text messages, or be sober – ever.  (Just like the first time around.)

I’m a little proud that I stuck with it for the time that I did.  (I was unaware that he still drank like a sailor on leave in Thailand.)  Mind you, while I was speaking with my therapist about the black, white, and grey area issues, I asked her if she could “define a middle ground for me,” so I could aim for that.  She then pointed out that I was asking her to define more black and white.  The point is, I tried, and realized that I will probably always be this way.

So, that’s a very little bit about me.  Don’t worry, not all of my blogs will be personal stories.  Like I said, some blogs will be social commentary and others will just be fun little pieces that I think you might enjoy.

Also this week, lawmakers in New Jersey passed a marriage equality bill with a narrow margin. As expected, Governor Chris Christie vetoed the bill. With the narrow passage, the legislation is not expected to have enough votes to override his veto. The only (marginally) good thing to come out of the New Jersey loss is that Gov. Chris Christie has proposed creating an “ombudsman to oversee compliance with the state’s civil union law, which same-sex couples have said is flawed and promotes discrimination”. “The ombudsman will be charged with increasing awareness of the law regarding civil unions, will provide a clear point of contact for those who have questions or concerns and will be required to report any evidence of the law being violated. In this way, we can ensure equal treatment under the law,” Christie said in a statement. Hopefully, this will help to ensure that Civil Unions truly offer all of the benefits of marriage until true marriage equality is passed.

Finally, Maryland’s House of delegates passed a bill that would create marriage equality. This bill has failed in the House in previous years, but passed 72-67 this year. The bill is expected to pass the State Senate and move on to the governor. The Maryland governor is a supporter of marriage and equality and he is expected to sign this bill into law as soon as it passes the Senate. Maryland would become the eighth state to have marriage equality if the Senate passes the bill and the governor signs it.

With all the news around Prop 8, many people have missed the excitement around these three states and their battle for marriage equality. I hope that these wins (and almost wins) help other states to move forward with marriage equality to join the era of acceptance that we are moving towards.

That word “lesbian” sounds like a disease.  And straight men know because they’re sure that they’re the cure.  ~Denise McCanles

Okay, straight guys (if there are any reading this blog, that is!).  I have to know this once and for all.  WHAT is it with you and lesbians?  I mean, really.  What part of ‘attracted to other women’ don’t you understand?!  It’s pretty cocky (no pun intended!) for you to think you can change something as fundamental and immutable as someone’s sexual orientation…because you’re so sexy and irresistible? I think there’s some disconnect here. Many straight guys would be offended or threatened if a gay guy came on to them, yet it’s the same dynamic. If a gay guy thinks he can ‘cure’ you of your ‘straightness’, that’s offensive and ridiculous…yet you think you can cure a lesbian of being gay.  Sounds like a big, whopping double standard to me!

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m definitely not a man hater.  I think men are just fine, and ‘some of my best friends are straight men’!  Okay, not really, but I am rather fond of gay men!  Honestly, I just don’t have a lot of contact with straight men, but I like them.  That doesn’t mean this notion that they can cure a lesbian of her gayness doesn’t frustrate me.  It’s actually kind of funny if you think about it. Talk about an exercise in futility!

So, dear straight guys, stick to your own sexual orientation.  We lesbians are doing just fine without you!

From After Ellen

Lesson One: Why is everyone scowling at me? How to conduct oneself in a lesbian bar.

On entering into the lesbian social scene, a gay lady may at times find herself flummoxed by the many rules and social regulations to which one is expected to adhere. But by following these simple rules of etiquette, the modern gay lady can ensure that her dance card will never be empty and a myriad of marriage proposals will ensue.

Practice makes a perfect pout
When arriving at a lesbian nightclub, a gay lady must always be aware of her facial expression. Ahead of any consideration as to the attractiveness of one’s current attire (although all consideration must be given to choosing the correct jeans/belt/T-shirt combination prior to the evening’s entertainment) it is the proper arrangement of one’s facial features that will guarantee success during any upcoming social forays.

The correct procedure is as follows: Lips may be fetchingly pouted or posed into a carefully arranged scowl. Eyes may be occasionally seductive, but it is considered best practice to cover any unsightly appearance of genuine interest or potential points of vulnerability. Foreheads are generally slightly furrowed, in order to provide the impression that one is beguilingly angst ridden. Chins are currently worn high, because a gay lady always knows the importance of ensuring that no one gets the idea you’re appearing in public because you remotely want to speak to anyone.

Lead with the hips
Adopting the correct posture and walking style is a skill that should be taken seriously and as such may require hours of practice on behalf of any gay lady coming out this season. In preparation for this procedure, do not waste time in walking around your bedroom balancing books on your head. Instead, train yourself to balance five pint glasses of beer against your breasts whilst still appearing adequately nonchalant and making disinterested eye contact with anyone whom you may find attractive. Now you’re ready to make your way across the room. Let your hips do the walking and the rest of you should now follow behind.

Strike a pose
Holding the correct bodily position at all times is crucial for the modern gay lady. First, find yourself a surface of adequate height upon which to lean. This may include the bar itself, any table — occupied or otherwise — or a small slither of wall if one is available to you. If all prime positions have already been claimed, head immediately to the bathrooms and drape yourself attractively over the sinks.

Once you’re in position, you may now commence your pose. There is a complex art to this, ladies, but you will find that by imitating those around you (slouched, hips to the forefront, patented lesbian thumb tuck into your jeans front pocket or waistband) you will not go wrong. It is most important that you now return to step one and remember to glare menacingly yet hopefully at anyone who walks by.

Interacting with other gay ladies
As a gay lady, it is considered most improper to ever make the first move. While it must be admitted that in a bar filled with gay ladies this does generally slow down the process somewhat, it is still important never to let your weakness show by allowing anyone to think that you might actually like them. However once this hurdle has been broken down by the means of a judicious showering of alcoholic beverages then it is time to move onto the dance floor.

How to ask a lady to dance
It is at this point that it becomes time to put all of your lessons into practice at once. It is generally considered acceptable to smile once in a while, unless your dance floor display is in fact noticed by anyone you think you might like to get to know, in which case revert to frowning or pouting immediately. It is considered unnecessary, or indeed glaringly vulgar to enjoy oneself too obviously whilst dancing; all measures must be taken in order to ensure one does not look silly — ever.

Once your display of gay lady dancing prowess has been proven, you may find yourself attracting the desired attention, or simply too drunk to care anymore. When conversation with another gay lady has been initiated, it is prudent to be aware of some of the minor basics to ascertain during this initial meeting, for example any unresolved issues from her childhood, feelings about Tegan and/or Sara, number of pets and so on, as you must keep in mind that the two of you will be discussing sperm donors come morning.

A word of caution
One must be on her guard at all times when speaking to another gay lady, just in case you’re barking up the wrong tree. You will quickly become aware of this when a gay lady far scarier than yourself appears, grips tightly to her woman and glares your previously impressive scowl into a small, frightened smile. In this situation it would be considered impolite and potentially dangerous to respond with “Sorry, please piss on her leg next time so I’m aware of your marked territory.” Instead I would advise the making of a careful retreat, followed by heading home to cry into your pillow until the next time.

Frankly, I think the fat jokes—and they’re popping up all over the twittersphere—let Christie off the hook.  They’re completely beside the point, and they minimize the real and discriminatory consequences of the stand that he’s taken.  I’m not disappointed because I care about his suit size; I’m disappointed because I had high hopes (if low expectations) that this particular Republican would take the long view and secure a place in History on the right side of this civil-rights issue.  I’m not a close Christie watcher, but he has always struck me as a man who can be reasoned with (if only at high speed and top volume), and, more to the point, he doesn’t come across as a narrow-minded reactionary.

But, while he didn’t look far enough forward to be able to make out his place in tomorrow’s New Jersey social studies textbooks, one can almost be certain that he was able to see at least four, maybe eight years into the future, into cheering throngs at future Presidential primaries and Republican conventions, and, with a flourish of his veto pen, dashed off a quick (if belated) valentine to the right-wing kingmakers that he perceived among them.  Hiding behind the spineless declaration that he believes such “a profoundly significant societal change” should be left in the hands of Jersey voters, he took a fast and firm step back from the fray—ducking any responsibility for any marriage equality that should eventually come his state’s way, while assuring gays and lesbians and their families in New Jersey second-class citizenship for the duration of the wait.  The Associated Press quotes Reed Gusciora, a gay New Jersey Assemblyman who co-sponsored the bill, as saying, “For all those who oppose marriage equality, their lives would have been completely unchanged by this bill, but for same-sex couples, their lives would have been radically transformed. Unfortunately, the governor couldn’t see past his own personal ambitions to honor this truth.”

Which makes this veto a big, fat disappointment.

Inside the European Parliament in Strasbourg. Source: C.Puisney

Russia has been getting away with their rampant homophobia for too long, and the European Parliament has called for Russia to change how it’s treating its citizens.

The EP has adopted a resolution condemning the ‘Gay Propaganda’ bill that has recently passed it’s second reading in St. Petersburg, and would effectively ban anything that could be interpreted as ‘promotion of homosexuality’ in public.

The European Parliament  “strongly condemns the adoption by the Legislative Assembly of St Petersburg of a law against propaganda on sexual orientation”, and “equally condemns similar laws adopted in the Ryazan, Arkhangelsk and Kostroma regions”.

The Parliament also “calls on all Russian authorities to stop restricting freedom of expression in relation to sexual orientation or gender identity”.

The Intergroup on LGBT Rights notes:

Sophie in ‘t Veld MEP, Vice-president of the LGBT Intergroup, also commented: “Tchaikovsky and Constantinovich must be rolling over in their graves. Such laws are simply unacceptable; if Russia isn’t serious about respecting the European Convention on Human Rights, it should simply call the bluff and leave the Council of Europe altogether. And more than statements, these grave human rights abuses must have consequences for the EU-Russia relationship!”

Below is a video of MEP Michael Cashman ripping the bill a new one during a speech Monday.  ”It’s starting point is that homosexuality is wrong. What is wrong is the promotion of intolerance and discrimination, precisely what these repressive laws set out to achieve.”

Michael Cashman speaks out against LGBT censorship in Russia from LGBT Intergroup on Vimeo.

I’ll go ahead and cede the technical point: as much fun as it is to try, my boyfriend and I are unlikely to ever get each other pregnant.  As a vocal opponent of, well, pretty much everything, we will assume for the sake of this article that Mz. Gallagher lives in the Conservative Fantasy Land in which every baby ever made is a dearly-longed-for treasure, and so I shall also set aside the argument that same-sex couples might make better parents because of the myriad flaming hoops through which they must often jump to eventually bring home a baby that they really want.  But her insistence that the simple fact that once two people had a wedding unites them in love with their children is too irresponsible to let pass.

Without exploiting the most recent and highly-publicized case against this spurious argument, we will take my boyfriend as an example.   He was raised by his biological parents, who were wed in the eyes of Jehova and the State of California until he was an adult.  He was born in the 1980s, and for his entire childhood, in this country and each of its fifty states, “marriage” was defined as the union of one man and one woman; the spectre of same-sex marriage was never a threat to this family unit.  The road to the only kind of loving upbringing that the National Organization for Marriage and its fans can envision was pothole-free and paved with gold.  It’s not like my boyfriend’s gay, homophobic dad (you heard me) alternated between being a psychotic drug addict and a raving religious nutcase, or like he was physically and emotionally abusive to his wife and sons, or like he used his sons’ social security numbers to set up bogus credit cards and utility accounts to live for free until the Sheriff chased the family into the street and on to their next ill-gotten and insecure apartment.  I mean, you know, except for the times that he was all of those things.  And the other times when he did all of those things.  I’m just going to say it: the worst thing that ever happened to my boyfriend was having his parents stay married.  He grew up in a house of screaming fights and rampant drug abuse and watched his dad put his heart and soul into devastating his mother as stridently and completely as he was able.  To say that my boyfriend would have been better off if his parents had divorced (or never married) is a ludicrous understatement, and to imply (by attempting to influence government policy) that same-sex parents would (or even could) do a de facto worse job of raising children is intentionally degrading and willfully obtuse.  My boyfriend would have had a more secure and loving upbringing from a single mother, from two loving parents of the same gender, or if he had been left to his own devices in the wilderness with nothing but a piece of turkey jerky and an 8-track of Cher’s Greatest Hits.

I am not a particularly vocal or visible same-sex marriage activist.  While I don’t feel any burning need to have my own relationship sanctioned by Rick Santorum or anybody else, I think it should absolutely be legal, and I salute the legislators, judges, and citizens in the states and countries around the world where its legitimacy has been recognized for embracing what is right and good.  But I will say, every argument I’ve ever heard against it has been flimsy, homophobic, and off-topic, this one more than most.  Not allowing me and my boyfriend to marry does not prevent, as your friend Mz. Gallagher claims in the same interview, “children from being born in unmarried households.”  (Although groups opposed to same-sex marriage do: my lesbian friends who just had their baby in November would marry if they could.)  All it has so far prevented is us having to shell out ten grand for the open bar and swing band of our matrimonial dreams.  We live in a culture that gives Marriage away as a prize on a reality television show, for Pete’s sake, and a divorce rate run amok is a much bigger threat to the institution than I’ll ever be.  If gay people freak you out and you think the country should enshrine your narrow-minded and fear-mongering beliefs into its Constitution or other legal milieus, by all means, say so.  But own your bigotry and fear — please don’t hide behind vaunted claims about the strength and benefits of “traditional” marriage.  No one is trying to take those benefits away from those who wish to enjoy them, first of all, and the tired assertion that the institution itself guarantees a strong and nurturing family is so firmly rooted in fantasy that, all the way out here in Reality, it provides little shade.