It’s not a trick question, but the answer is simple

stop_being_gay
A search engine query brought a visitor to Queerlandia this morning.  It’s painful to me to see these kind of things pop up.

how can you stop being gay?

It’s quite simple, actually.

You can’t.

Oh, you can be celibate.  You can turn away from anything that might be sexually arousing.  You can try to occupy your mind with something else…  anything else.  You can even try dating members of the opposite gender.  You can have sexual relations with them.  You might even marry one and have a family with them.

But you’re still gay.  You always will be.  You can refuse to acknowledge it, refuse to act on it, refuse to even think about it, but you’ll still be gay.

You can see a “doctor” who will tell you all you need is Jesus.  They might try aversion therapy.  Perhaps they’ll psychoanalyze you till you’re both blue in the face.  Maybe you’ll sit around a campfire with other men, and try to find your inner heterosexual.  They’ll take your money, and after some time tell you you’re cured.  Go forth and be straight!

But you’re still gay.  You always will be.  And deep down, you know that.  But here’s what’s important -

it’s OK. Good even.  Dare I say…  it’s fabulous!

I hope whoever came to us via that search engine query isn’t having a tough time of it, wondering if they can stop being gay.  Or perhaps they know someone that’s gay, and they think they can change them.  I don’t know which is worse of the two, but which ever it may be, it’s important to remember – being gay is just another way to be human.

Trying to change sexual orientation doesn’t work, causes harm, and is painfully unnecessary.   Don’t waste your time or money.  Don’t let the preacher tell you you’re going to hell.  (first of all, he doesn’t know that, no matter how often the voices in his head tell him so, and secondly there is no such thing as hell anyway!)  Don’t let “friends” determine who you are.  You get to decide that, not them.

Don’t try to find it, or hide it, in drugs, alcohol, sex, or extreme risk-taking.  Go all Zen on it…  accept what is, then explore from there.  But do it while being true to yourself, otherwise you’ll endure your own private hell on Earth.

“how can you stop being gay?”  You can’t.

You can’t stop being gay.  Don’t listen to anyone who says you can, should, or wants to “help” you stop.  Just be you, and let the rest work itself out.  Being your authentic self is the adventure, literally, of a lifetime.

Don’t miss out on the music because somebody else doesn’t like the tune.

 

About Jim Reeves

A liberal gay atheist living in the heart of central California's Bible belt, surrounded by oranges, walnuts, dairies and Republicans. A 9-1-1 dispatcher by career, a blogger and computer nerd by choice. If your emergency requires a cop, a fireman, a paramedic, or a blog, I'm the guy you need to call!

Posted on March 25, 2014, in Blogs and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. That question is heartbreaking…

    Like

  2. Reblogged this on GregComesOut and commented:
    For many years I sought the answer to this question. Only recently am I coming to accept the answer.

    Like

  3. First off, you’re born the way you are. Since God created you, you can’t go to hell for being you. It’s as much a part of your being as your skin or eye color is. You can hide your eye color, but you can’t change it.

    Like

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