I apologize for my absence! I have been submerged in schoolwork lately – however, I decided to write a post for this blog before writing one for my own, so that must mean something, right?
Anyway, I’ve decided to maybe start a series on this blog titled “Confessions of a Closeted Gay Teenager”, depending on the feedback I receive, if any, and other factors. I’ll discuss aspects of living life as, well, a closeted gay teenager – I certainly have more in common with straight teens than I do differences, but I’ll get more into that in a later post.
Before I begin my rant topic of the day, I’ll share some background information. I don’t have any close gay friends. I only know two, or maybe three gay people personally. That’s one of the reasons I’m doing this, slightly for catharsis but hopefully to connect with other gay teens out there who don’t know anyone else of their orientation. Also, to satisfy anyone’s curiosity regarding how it feels like to be a closeted gay teenager – though I doubt that most adults would like to relive that stage of their life. Finally, I live in a somewhat homophobic area, definitely not as bad as Michelle Bachmann’s home district, but not “let’s accept everyone for who they are because we’re so tolerant” town, either.
But that’s not my topic for today. I’ll get into bullying and rumors and fear of being found out and what not later, but in this post I want to discuss something a little less morbid. And so the story begins…
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I participate in my school’s It’s Academic club. It’s a contest of general knowledge – my Latin teacher, who runs the club, abhors the term “trivia” – and it’s quite intellectually stimulating. Though I can’t answer many questions correctly outside of those that concern literature, I still enjoy playing. Also, there’s free pizza. Anyway…
Today, I was in the middle of a round when my friend next to me nudged my arm, smiling, and whispered,” Thomas, I think I’ve found your soul mate.”
“Oh really?” I said.
I’ve told a few of my female friends at school about my homosexuality, and this girl was one of the ones I had told. I assumed she was referring to some celebrity or fictional character, because, I like fictional characters more than real people, I had talked to her about them before.
“Yeah, she’s really hot,” she said. This friend, let’s call her Cara, knew that others around us may have been listening – and so she made sure to cover up that she was talking about a guy.
“Okay…” I said. I waited for the punch line.
She smiled. I hesitated.
“Does she go to this school?” I asked.
She nodded.
Now my curiosity started to kick in. I just hoped it wasn’t who I thought it was, though…
“Is it Michael*?” I asked.
“Ha ha, yeah,” she said,” you know he’s gay, right? You guys would make such a great couple! He’s really attractive, you know. He’s…”
I groaned.
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Now, allow me to explain. I’m a junior at my high school, and Michael is a senior. After a brief round of intercourse (the speaking kind, you dirty hooligans) when I was a freshman I decided to be awkward like I usually am and avoid him. It worked for awhile, until he came out and now suddenly everyone is trying to force me into a relationship with him.
There are myriad things wrong with this picture, but basically, just because two guys are gay, and possibly the only gay guys in their entire high school, does not mean they should date. A lot of people assume that because we’re both gay we’ll get along splendidly, when in reality, we could be completely averse to one another. Think of it this way: if you saw a straight boy and a straight girl at school or at some other place, would you assume that they should get together just because they’re both straight? I doubt it.
I don’t mean to be mean to any of my friends who have implied such things or to Michael (who I don’t even really know) but I just want to prove a point. One aspect of a person does not define who they are entirely – just because two people both like the color periwinkle does not mean they should date. Perhaps I would enjoy this person’s friendship, but I am staunchly against high school relationships in most cases, so the likelihood of a romantic bond working out is not great.
Hopefully this was at least a little interesting, and not too teenage-angst filled. I have many other topics to write about so we’ll see how it goes. Have a great weekend guys!
*The guy’s real name isn’t Michael, I don’t want to be unfair to him and share his real name with the entire world when he’s not even aware I’m writing this… kind of creepy, but hey, that’s what happens when you’re an awkward armadillo.
I would suggest giving “Michael” a chance. You might be surprised! And even if nothing happens relationship-wise, a wonderful friendship could result. Not trying is worse than trying and having it go poorly. (voice of experience)
Hm, maybe – this person is graduating this year, so that will make things more difficult. But, you’re right, who knows what the future will behold? (:
I agree with Jim, though I see both sides. I do think it’s funny that people assume that because two people are gay they should date. It’s kind of like how straight, homophobic people assume that, if you’re gay and they are the same gender as you, that you must be attracted to them and will try to ‘convert’ them!
Thanks for posting this! I think it could really mean a lot to other gay teens.
It is quite illogical. I hope others are able to read this and benefit from it in some way, thanks for reading and commenting!
I dealt with that same thing in high school. I lived in the south, very few people were KNOWN to be gay at my junior high/high school. So when I came out as ‘bi’ (I wasn’t altogether sure at the time that I was fully gay) to my friends they immediately started pushing me and the one other bisexual girl on campus, who happened to be a friend of mine, to date.
We did, for a couple of months. It was fun and we were friends after we broke up.
The same thing happened during my senior year, when I had moved states. It started with “Hey Meredith, I found out ‘Stephanie’ is bisexual. Do you like her?” I was like ‘huh? who is that?’.
I still ended up dating her for 2 weeks, lol.
Haha. Sometimes trial and error can be fun. Lol.
It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who went through this type of thing. You stated that you had fun dating her, so I suppose I shouldn’t assume it’ll be a bad move… it’s great that you attained experience (dating-wise) before even graduating from high school!
The thing about dating in high school is that it’s mostly about having fun and hanging out with someone. If you take it too seriously then someone is going to get their heart broken. Just enjoy yourself (responsibly! I’m an old fuddy-duddy at heart, didn’t lose my V card until I was nearly 20, but I know how kids these days are *waves cane and tells kids to get off her lawn*) and enjoy being young.
I’ll try to follow your advice – one of the issues I have with relationships is that I tend to get emotionally invested too easily. I feel like there’s no point to being in a relationship if you’re not serious about it… but, I am working on relaxing that aspect of myself and striving to let loose more and have fun. (:
Thomas! I love this post. Don’t worry about any hiatus you take from blogging. We all have work, school, and lives to attend to. We all come back around at some point. I love this blog. I doubt very seriously you and “Michael” are the only two gay boys at your high school although it may feel like it. I think this is a great story that will help and encourage others in a similiar plight. I wish there was a GSA on your campus.
Thanks for alleviating my guilt Mike! I will try to write more often though. I also doubt that we’re the only gay guys at our school, though due to the unaccepting atmosphere it’s unlikely people would announce their non-heterosexual orientations. We actually do have a GSA, but that’s a story for another post…
Having gone through my teen years in 1970s, I would have been thrilled to have a gay friend. The world can be incredibly lonely place if you aren’t ever able to express your inner self. Strike up a friendship with “Michael”. You never know, you could have friend for life!
That’s true, though I am capable of expressing myself to some of my other friends (even though they’re straight). If the opportunity arises, I will take advantage of it. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Is it bad that I thought you were bisexual? ಠ_ಠ I tend to be oblivious to people’s sexualities, so I’m always somewhat surprised when they come out.
Now, I’m not gay myself, (I’m more on the asexual side, however) but I do have some close gay and bi friends. I have experienced people telling these friends to date the other kids in their school who happened to be gay, but I’m not one to be like “Hey, you should date this person because (s)he is also gay.” I’m more the type to be like “Who do you find attractive? Go talk to him/her.”
I agree with you completely on the whole “this person likes this, so do you, you guys are obviously soulmates” thing. (That’s like some of my friends who are all “I saw this Korean guy, you’d probably like him.” just because he’s Korean and I like my Kpop idols. I know that most people in Korea don’t look that way…)
But anyway, that was my little anecdote. This was an interesting read.
Ha ha it’s not bad, I don’t mind. There were a few others who were surprised when I came out to them too, and others who weren’t so surprised.
I like your method, and ha, it’s funny that your friends tell you that – the Korean people here in the US are probably completely different than K-Pop idols, not only in appearances but in personalities too. As they say, don’t judge a book by its cover… or in this case, don’t judge a girl’s romantic interests in the fact that she likes K-Pop idols.
Thanks for stopping by and reading this post, Erika (or, uh, God)!